She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
