I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
