he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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