Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
