I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
