i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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