You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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