I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
