She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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