So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
