Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am spending my child support on dildos
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
