What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
