Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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