1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize