i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Fuck appropriateness.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
