just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame