the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.