If i come over, it means nothing
Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!