Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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