i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?