Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
