Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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