I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
