your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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