i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
