so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
