I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
