That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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