She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
