I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Two words: nipple clamps
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