i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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