saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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