I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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