Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
