new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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