Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
