im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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