So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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