Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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