I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
