those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
ttyl tear gas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
