I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
