I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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