apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's always time for handjobs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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