he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
