I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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