Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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