i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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