I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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