if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
