All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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