it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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