Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
