Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
