toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
