I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
