you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
