that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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