you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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