Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
