Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
