if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
