she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
