Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
